I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
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90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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