I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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