It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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