All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
false alarm, still single
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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