you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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