I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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