my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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