you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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