and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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