so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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