Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize