You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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