Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Houston, we have a squirter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I die, sorry about rent.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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