yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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