Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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