and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize