yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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