Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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