i may or may not be watching the land before time
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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