I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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