Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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