I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize