i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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