You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize