how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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