Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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