I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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