wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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