This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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