no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize