I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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