Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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