"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
how drunk are you?
Several
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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