found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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