Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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