I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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