first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize