I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize