Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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