Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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