You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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