I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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