i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize