i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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