you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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