There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Enjoy the penises
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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