If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize