I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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