He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize