woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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